


Of Dungeonbats and Dunderheads

by sarnedhiel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adopted Harry, Canonical Character Death, Hogwarts Era, Manipulative Dumbledore, Parental!Severus, Pre-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-04 14:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4140762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarnedhiel/pseuds/sarnedhiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Promise me you'll take care of Harry if we can't, Severus"</p><p>"I promise"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Prologue**

_31st of October 1981 - Godric's Hollow, West Country_

Snape was running faster than he’d ever run in his life. Damned Fidelius charm, he thought to himself. He needed to get to the boy, before the Order got wind of what happened. This was it, his one and only chance to set right all his wrongs. If only… No, no good on dwelling on If only’s and What ifs, he was determined to get something right, dammit!

He finally arrived at the house. He had known it would be a mess, but he hadn’t expected this. Half a wall was completely blown out and he could hear the wailing of an infant from the hole in the wall. He swallowed and made his way through the rubble to the door that hung off its hinges. With a sneer he stepped over Potter’s body, barely resisting the urge to kick his lifeless body a few times. He followed the corridor up the stairs, stopping in front of the room where the crying came from.

“You’re here to get her son, for Lily. Come on, Severus, you can do this.” he muttered to himself, praying that he wouldn’t have to look at her.

He stepped into the room, glancing around to find Harry in his crib, crying his eyes out. He quickly made his way towards the crib, but bumped into something with his foot as he stepped forward. He knew that if he looked at Lily now, he wouldn’t be able to keep it together properly. He fought with himself, but he had to, he couldn’t not. He looked down. He didn’t look back up for a long time. When he finally did look up, there were tears leaking from his eyes and his face was set in a very grim expression. Without another word, he grabbed Harry and walked out of Godric’s Hollow, away from any Death Eaters the Dark Lord might have brought with him and also away from whoever would be sent to collect Harry for the Order. He’d be damned if either side would try to manipulate Harry as he had been manipulated. He’d promised Lily to take care of her son, so he would, in his own way.

Harry Potter wasn’t heard of or seen ever again.

 


	2. Chapter 1

_1st of November 1981 - Spinner's End, Cokeworth_

A figure in a bright red robe with a matching hat was making his way to a certain potion master's house. As he walked under a few of the lanterns that still shone a light, his long silvery hair and beard came into view.

He looked around himself to make certain he'd come to the right house, even though he was confident he had. After all, it wasn't the first time he'd come knocking on this door.

He raised his wand and tapped the door twice quickly, thrice slowly and again twice quickly. He then put his wand hand flat against the door's surface and pushed. A quick frown flashed across his face, gone in the blink of an eye when it didn't budge. He put his other hand up against the door as well and put some weight behind his push.

The door still didn't move even an inch.

He repeated the knocking pattern with his fist as he called out: "Severus?"

He tried the door again.

"Severus, Harry's just lost his parents, surely you understand he should be with his family?"

There was no reply from the house, not even a sign that someone was there.

* * *

 

_24th of July 1991 - Bottesford, Lincolnshire_

 “Harry! Janus has brought your Hogwarts letter, come downstairs.”

 Harry rolled out of bed and looked around his bedroom, searching for the clothes he’d laid out on his bed the night before. They always got kicked off the bed during his sleep, although it was sometimes the fault of Akasha, his pet snake.  He started to put on his clothes and lost his balance as he got caught up in his clothes and the sheets. It took him a while to untangle himself from the sheets and put his clothes on correctly.

 “Harry Michael Snape! Get downstairs this instant! This is the second time I’ve called you, next time the letter burns!”

 Harry knew Severus wouldn’t do it, but just to be safe, he ran down the stairs. When he walked into the kitchen, Severus was sitting at the table, looking intently at the letter lying in Harry’s plate. Harry absently fed Janus some owl treats and then stared at the letter for a very long time.

 “It’s not going to bite, boy” Severus’ voice filled the silence after a while.

Harry jumped and sat down, still making no move to grab the letter, let alone open it. He took in the handwriting, the way the green ink had run a bit. He suddenly looked up, confused. “Who is Harry _Potter_?” he asked.

His father sighed. “I’d hoped I had instilled some common sense in you by now. Who do you think it could possibly be?”

 Harry snorted “Right then, but I still I don’t understand.” Severus rolled his eyes and pointed his wand at the letter. Harry quickly picked up the letter and opened it. He read through it quickly, scanning the booklist. He looked up and grinned. “Are we going to Diagon Alley soon?” Harry asked, all thought of the Potter mystery vanishing from his mind for a while.

 Severus finished the breakfast he’d started to eat when Harry read his letter. “I am going to Diagon Alley to buy your things and you are finishing breakfast.” He said, pointing at Harry’s plate.

Harry quickly started to eat his breakfast. “Wuv avoub ma van’?” he asked with his mouth full. “Have I not taught you not to speak with your mouth full?” Severus asked, looking down his nose at Harry and completely ignoring his question. Harry swallowed his mouthful with a little trouble and asked: “What about my wand? The wand chooses the wizard, you told me that. So you can’t buy it for me.” He looked down at his now empty plate as he said this, wondering if he’d pushed Severus too far.

 Severus sighed, wondering why on earth he’d told Harry that little titbit. “That may be the case, but you failed to be on time, so you will not be present for any other shopping, nor will you see Diagon Alley itself. We will Floo straight into Ollivander’s and then you will Floo back home. Am I understood?”

“Yessir!” Harry said, jumping off his chair and washing his plate, grinning like mad. He then bounded over to the fireplace, almost smacking into the table on his way there. Severus rolled his eyes and caught Harry as he stumbled.

 ‘’Keep being such a dunderhead and I may have to just make you go to Hogwarts sans wand.” Severus threatened, but with a barely noticeable smile tugging the corners of his mouth up ever so slightly.

Harry gaped at him, wondering if he was being serious, before the utter ridiculousness of that statement seeped into his mind. “Oops?” He said hesitantly, as Severus handed him a jar with the Floopowder in it.

 “Do I need to tell you how to use Floopowder again?”  Severus sneered at him. Harry rolled his eyes, grabbed a handful of the powder and….was stopped by the hand grabbing his wrist. “Straight to Ollivander’s, you hear me?” Harry nodded as Severus let go of his wrist. He then stepped into the fireplace and very loudly said ”Oleander’s”.

 He was gone before Severus even had a chance to respond to this new bout of idiocy.


	3. Chapter 2

_14_ _th_ _of November 1981 - Bottesford, Lincolnshire_

"Stop that incessant whining and crying, you brat! I do not have a clue what it is you want." Snape shouted at the one year old, looking rather dishevelled and at his wit's end. Short of actually giving the boy a sleeping potion or spelling him asleep, he'd done everything he could think of.

"You won't finish your bottle, your diaper is clean and you don't have a rash either. You are neither hot nor cold and you reject your fop. What else could you possibly want?!" He'd started out muttering to himself, but ended up shouting the last bit, which caused the child to start crying even louder.

Snape picked up the child, in a moment of weakness truly intending to fling the brat against the wall, before a rather painful memory of his childhood came to his mind and the toss became a twirl. The crying stopped.

He looked down at the child in his arms in surprise. On a whim, he did it again. This time, the child actually cooed at him, causing him to scowl at the boy again. After a second or two, his scowl softened and he spun again, making  _her_  eyes shine at him as  _her son_  smiled and laughed at him.

He'd been ready for the cleaning of vomit and bottom, for the changing of diapers, for the sleepless nights as the boy would eventually get growth spurts, but he'd never imagined he would feel any sort of affection for it. That of course, had been before he'd even seen the boy. He'd have to reserve his judgement of the child for a while.

 

* * *

 

_24_ _th_ _of July 1991 - Bottesford, Lincolnshire_

Sighing, Severus grabbed some Floo powder and, in a fit of irritated adventurousness, said "Oleander's" as he stepped into the fireplace while simultaneously throwing the black powder into the fireplace. He made sure his face was set in a proper scowl to show his intense distaste and disappointment, even as a strange feeling of freedom overcame him. He decided he'd think on that a bit later, as he now had a ten year old to scare.

He stepped out of an unfamiliar fireplace and no longer had to fake his scowl, as he found Harry talking to a short, busty, red-headed woman. "Harry! How do you pronounce the wandmaker's name?" he said as he put his hand on Harry's shoulder, spinning him round roughly. Harry gasped and opened his mouth before closing it quickly again. "Ollivander's, sir."

"It seems you DO know how to pronounce it, so, tell me, why are we….. Where are we anyway?" Harry looked at the ground, not at all sure where they'd ended up, though he was sure they were somewhere in the Wizarding World, as the red-headed woman was clearly a witch.

The woman turned around and gave Harry a smile as she said: "You're Severus Snape, aren't you? So pleased to finally meet one of the few professors that can actually keep my twins in line. I'm Molly Weasley and this would be Oleander's, the cutest little herbal shop in Diagon Alley."

"Indeed" Severus lifted an eyebrow. He let his eyes sweep over the woman once and the turned away. "Let's go." He said to Harry and left the shop. He waited just outside the shop, so the dunderhead couldn't get away from him and horribly lost in the process. Harry exited the shop, smiling broadly. "She's invited us over to dinner, so I can meet her youngest son, who's starting this year as well."

"No"

"But, sir, I-"

"No, you are being punished and now be quiet." Did the brat seriously think he'd get to go on a playdate after such blatant disobedience? "Ollivander's is this way, keep up and don't get distracted by the shops!"

"Yes sir!" Harry said, rather disappointed he wouldn't be meeting the redhead's son. She seemed nice, so her son probably was as well. He only thought about that for a second before he saw the street they were in. There were witches and wizards everywhere! He'd never seen so many of them in one place. The only other wizards he'd ever met were a few of Severus' friends and then only because he'd disobeyed.

People got out of the way for the scowling man and so the walk to Ollivander's was over far too quickly for Harry's liking, though he still felt he needed at least another set of eyes.

The shop they ended up at was, compared to the other shops, rather plain-looking, with a single wand on a pedestal on display and the name Ollivander's on the façade of the building. Harry looked up at Severus uncertainly and Severus looked down at Harry expectantly. "Are you ready for your wand, Harry?" He asked gently, remembering how much it meant to him all those years back to finally get a wand.

"As I'll ever be." Severus opened the door and motioned for Harry to go through. There was a single bell that jingled as they walked in, but not a sign of anyone else in the store.

Severus looked completely lost in thought, so Harry approached the counter alone, trying to look over it, maybe the shopkeeper had fallen asleep? He jumped when an old man suddenly came into his field of vision, sliding on a ladder and stopping behind the counter with a bang.

The man smiles at Harry. "I wondered when I'd be seeing you, Mr. Potter. It seems almost yeste-" "That's enough babbling, he's here for a wand." Snape rudely interrupted. Ollivander looked between Harry and Snape curiously. He cleared his throath and handed Harry a wand. "Here you are, Mr. Potter."

Harry took the wand. "My name's not Potter, why d'you keep calling me that?"

"Just wave the wand, please." Ollivander replied, throwing a look towards Severus Harry couldn't describe, nor figure out the meaning to. Harry waved the wand and promptly flew back two yards, leaving the wand behind. "No, definitely not that one." He muttered and looked for a different wand.

This process seemed to repeat itself endlessly, with results varying from his hair turning purple to everyone gettng drenched. "I wonder" Ollivander said softly, as he handed Harry a final ditch effort at finding a wand. Harry took the wand and was immediately felt a warm glow shoot from his hand all the way through his body.

"Curious this wand should choose you, as its twin gave you that scar." Ollivander said as Severus quickly paid for the wand and pulled Harry out of the shop.

"We are going to apparate back home, Harry." Severus said tensely, in a tone that promised death for anyone daring to say otherwise. Harry merely nodded, his head filled with questions about 'Potter'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hate, like, love, indifferent?  
> Let me know!


	4. Chapter 3

_21_ _st_ _of November, 1981 - Diagon Alley, London_

Severus hurried down an alley that ran adjacent to Diagon Alley, looking for a shop that sold baby food, as, within a week, they'd run out. "Why does the brat eat so much?" he muttered to himself.

"His name is Harry Potter and he's one year old, children his age simply need a lot of sustenance." A disapproving voice to his immediate left said. The appearance of the nuisance of a man that gave the commentary almost made him jump. Almost, but as it was, he merely put some effort into ignoring the manipulative wizard and kept hurrying down the alley.

"Do you think ignoring me is a good idea at this point, Severus?" The man's voice had changed in tone, now almost as hard as steel, making Severus feel like a child getting scolded by his father. Not that he'd ever had such a pleasant experience with his father, but that didn't change the feel of it. He continued to ignore the man, before realizing there wasn't a shop left in the alley, which ended in a brick wall he now was scowling at. He'd have to turn back and find another place to look. He turned and tried to slip past the wizard standing not three feet away from him.

"SEVERUS SNAPE"

The yell in the small space left his ears ringing as he flinched away from the wizard. He finally looked at the old wizard, trying to glare him down. This succeeded for all of two seconds, until his glare was met with a deeply disappointed, sad look. "Severus, please, let me take Harry to his family. I don't want to fight you over this."

"You promised! You'd keep her safe, you said. The Fidelius won't fail, you said. But she's dead and I betrayed everything I fought to get for nothing. You manipulated me, you kne-" His voice had been growing louder and more desperate by the word, which made him almost glad he was interrupted before he truly made a fool of himself.

"You think I  _knew_  that Sirius Black would betray them? Do you honestly believe I wouldn't have warned them if I did?" He shook his head sadly. "Severus, m'boy, I only want what's best for Harry, so just let him go to his relatives, they can care for him better. He'll have his nephew as a playmate, experienced parents to care for him."

"Have you ever even met Petunia, Albus? Do you know how horrible she was to L-Lily? I can't imagine her being any nicer to Harry! And besides, I promised Lily I'd look after her son if his godfather couldn't and other than a certain someone here, I keep my promises."

Dumbledore attempted to reason with him further, but Severus had had enough. He turned and apparated to a muggle shopping mall, certain he'd find some kind of baby food there or at the very least could look for it uninterrupted.

* * *

_24_ _th_ _of July1991 -Bottesford, Lincolnshire_

Severus quickly pulled Harry into a side alley and apparated them into their small garden. Before Harry even had a chance to open his mouth, Severus threw him a look that promised death at the tiniest squeak.

"To your room, Harry, I have shopping to finish." He said, quietly. Harry gulped and all but ran up the stairs, almost tripping over his feet in his haste to obey Severus. Whenever he got this quiet, things usually turned rather nasty. For the contents of whatever room he was in at the time, that is. Apart from that one time, Severus would never lay a hand on him.

As soon as he reached his room, Akasha came gliding towards him.  _"What's wrong, Little Master?"_ She asked as she wound her way up Harry's leg, getting jostled by his agitated movements. _"I've made Big Master mad somehow and I just want to know already!"_ Harry replied, not making a lick of sense to his companion.  _"Why won't he just tell me already? Is it that 'Potter' was my real parents' name and therefore it's my real name? Did he not officially adopt me as I thought he had? But even then, I've been Harry Snape for as long as I can recall, why would Hogwarts still address me as Harry Potter?"_ Through his ranting he kept pacing back and forth, making it very difficult for Akasha to further crawl up his body and coil herself around his neck as she usually did.

" _Little Master, stop pacing!"_  Akasha's almost violent hiss had him frozen mid-stride as her realized he'd almost been kicking her around for a good five minutes. She hissed at him and coiled herself around his neck quickly, squeezing lightly in displeasure at his rough, yet ignorant treatment of her. He petted her apologetically as her began to pace again, finding comfort in her weight around his neck.

_Same day - Diagon Alley, London_

Severus did his best to only focus on the seemingly endless list of shopping he still had to do. But instead he found himself rehearsing exactly how to tell Harry what exactly had happened to his parents and how he'd ended up in Severus' care. 'Harry, you parents were murdered by my former master, who's a Dark Lord because of a prophecy I told him about' He shook his head, hopeless. Was that the best his mind could come up with?

He thoughtlessly entered Madame Malkin's to pick up Harry's robes, which he was very glad to have ordered a week ago. "I'll be with you shortly, just finishing up the measurements on young Mr Malfoy here!" The friendly-looking witch that was bustling about said blonde called out. Severus froze. He'd stayed out of contact with as many of his former 'friends' as he could, but he'd always felt a pang of guilt at abandoning his Godson. Would he even be recognized? Would the boy even know he was his Godfather? Severus almost panicked and had to repress the urge to… gracefully exit the establishment.

Before he could move a muscle however, the boy turned around and looked straight at him. Draco's gaze swept over his clean, but visibly worn robes and greasy hair and after a moment, he was visibly dismissed as being anyone of import. Severus stood there, stunned for a second, before feeling so relieved he almost smiled. No need to dredge up old, painful memories any time soon.

Madame Malkin walked over to the counter with Draco, quickly tallied up his purchases and bade him to come back in two or so hours. Then she turned to Severus. "I've made you a full set, as ordered, Professor Snape." Severus wordlessly handed her the agreed upon sum of money, collected the parcel with Harry's robes and left.

Once outside, he checked his shopping list and found that he was done. He was done shopping and had no idea how to begin explaining the situation to Harry.

 


End file.
